In the past month or so I responded to 2 requests for out of print articles. They were from the 80s & early 90s. Really don’t have a great filing system, so it took some time. One request was for 4 articles. Found the articles ,removed them from the magazine ( no, I didn’t copy them, MRR staff) cut pieces of poster board to protect them,put them in an envelope, put stamps on them & took them to the Post Office. Neither of the partys acknowleged reciept of the articles. They had a return address & enough time has gone by to have them returned if the address were wrong. I don’t want anything except a note saying that the envelopes were recieved… I will be very reluctant in the future to respond to requests for articles . I said all that to say this… If someone takes the effort to help you in some way, acknowlege it. Jerry
Jerry,I can relate to that because I sent a guy a old Athearn S12 switcher drive for parts to fix his Athearn unit up…I am still waiting for a simple I got the engine or a “Thank you”.
Hi Jerry,
You’ve just given me a chance to rant and rave about our “mannerless” society. I think manners died when my father’s generation died off. He taught me manners since I was a little kid…in the movie theater, I would say excuse me when I went into an aisle in front of people. When someone gave me something, I said thank you. I was taught to say please, when I asked for something.
Here’s what I see today. People in cars will give you the middle finger faster than they will acknowledge that you waved them to take the right of way. In the grocery store at the deli counter, people say I want a pound of whatever…not may I please have a pound of…
I think it all starts with the “me” society we’ve become. People think that they are at the center of the universe and everyone is at their service. Maybe the days when our parents made us feel a little humble rather than perfect little beings was a better time. I don’t say we need to return to the days when children were treated like worthless little dogs. But, there is a middle ground that we’re missing today.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve held a door open for someone and they don’t even acknowledge with a thank you. I usually look at them and say “you’re welcome”. I’m not sure they even get my point.
Anyway, don’t be too surprised with your experience. Unfortunately, as manners become a thing of the past, so will the kind words and deeds. In other words, we will stop being nice to each other because we will believe it isn’t appreciated. Nobody wants to do something nice without some appreciation.
My 2 cents.
Mondo
First, I couldn’t agree more with you, Jerry. A favour must…must…be acknowledged in civilized society.
However, I have a general sense of well-being when it comes to manners. I find that people are often timid, fearful, suspicious, protective, and even aggressive. A few are downright obnoxious and rude. The suspicious and protective people prefer to ease through the crowd with no hassle and no unwelcome overtures or aggression toward them. But, when you offer them a smile, a kindness, or simply acknowledge them in some may, the vast majority will break into a smile, no matter how fleeting, because it is who they are. Even the aggressive ones will usually say hello when you say it to them first. I have never felt weak because I fixed someone with my eye and greeted them first on a sidewalk. Some avert their gaze and refuse to acknowledge, but most will return the greeting.
Secondly, I believe firmly in modelling good behaviour. It started with my kids when I recalled how my parents did so for me, and I continued it throughout my time as the Army Cadet Officer for the Province of Saskatchewan back in the early 80’s. As an officer in the Armed Forces, I knew that if I expected good dress and good deportment, I had to show how it could be done. If I took the trouble, so did my troops.
There are self-important, self-absorbed, egoistic people wherever you look. I think that it takes a certain courage these days to be courteous. It is the easy way out to appear surly, to puff one’s self up, and to want people to think one is tough or above them.
Finally, and if this doesn’t label me a right winger, nothing will; some people should not be allowed to have kids.
1: Someone on this Forum was looking for an article from an old NMRA Bulletin; I happened to have the item, scanned & Emailed it to him. Did not hear back from him; after about a week I sent a follow-up Email, asking if he had received the first one. He replied < yes, he had, thanks.
2: Someone on the Trains Forum was asking for material for a book he was writing; wanted pictures of steam in action. I asked if Video would be helpful, he said “Yes”. I made a copy of about 2 hours of video I had shot of N&W 611 (about as “in action” as you are going to get). Sent him the tape (my dime); never heard from him again.
Just look at it as Pay It Forword or Random Acts Of Kindness, the good is in you and needs no acknolegement. As I get older and I can afford to be nicer, I tend to do things for people, not for a thankyou but because!!! You never no what is going on in anothers life, used to do some cold calling for work ( even though I knew it was a bad idea, customers sometimes had a loss, job or freind ect. or were dead and the daughter answered ect. ) It could of been sent to the hobbiest who’s daughter dissapeared and guess what, what you did will get forgotten, maybe forever depending on how it worked out In this case all is good, but you never know. Last this was not ment to be a an admonisment but to get you to keep on doing great things as remember it all comes arround, learned this many times in life and I’m not that old!!!
You’re right that common courtesy is to say thanks, but sadly few people have such manners these days – it seems more people figure the world owes them somehow.
But I also agree we need to do nice things just because and getting thanks also should not be a reason. It’s the same attitiude to figure people owe you thanks if you be nice.
Keeping score should never be a part of the equation or you will constantly find people coming up short. I go into things figuring people are going to be less-than-perfect and then if I do get a thanks, I’m delighted – instead of bummed if I don’t get a thanks. [swg]
Good mannedrs are not something you learn in school or polite society, they are taught at home. A person who’s been well schoo;ed in manners at home, treats others politely in public and, most of the time, in private.
rrebell, I didn’t mention “thanks” in my post. It would be nice, but what i wanted was conformation that the material was received. I’ll continue to try to help when I can because it’s the right thing to do & because others have gone out of thier way to help me. jerry
I copied some pages from an old Red Ball catalog for a guy on a forum a couple of years ago. Not only did I get a “thanks”, but he e-mailed later saying he had forgotten if he had said so, but “thanks again”. Nice guy, and a pleasure to help out. You can be sure if he ever contacts me again for a favor, I will look on his request kindly.
Ed
I agree with everyone here about manners. I will admit it sometime I forget to say thanks to people for helping me cause I am caught up in something I am working on. I dohowever try to say thank you and please help me etc… I find it makes a persons day when you say excuse me and pardon me its how I was brought up. Even when I order things on the phone from Walthers showroom, and I end up either giving them the wrong number or find something else I want I always say I am sorry I gave you the wrong number or sorry I am making you get something else. But then i am told beats sitting around.
I find that more generations are getting worse. And someone has to kick these peoples butts and wake them up and bring morales back.
Ya I guess we are all subject to our upbringing.
I have to agree that common courtesy seems to have died with our parents’ generation. But not completely. There are still people who will say “please” and “thank you” and hold doors–even the occasional teenager! I’m in my 60’s and I was brought up by my parents–and society in general–to say “please” and “thank you” and hold doors for my elders and ladies, and to let ladies board streetcars and busses first and give up my seat on them to ladies. My wife has trouble walking and has to use a cane to get around. Most people will hold a door for her and because I’m right behind her, they hold it for me too. We both say “thank you” to that person. But, once in a while, some horse’s patoot will let the door slam in her face without so much as a care in the world. I worked in industrial electronics for many decades and it was a male-dominated field for much of that time. Eventually young women got into that field. I had no problem working with female technicians, but what I found difficult was supressing the urge to hold doors for them and to carry their heavy toolboxes for them. My upbringing as a child made it difficult to consider them as “one of the guys.” Hopefully, this doesn’t come across as chauvinistic–I don’t mean it that way.
Like others in this thread, I was asked by someone to send them some pictures they wanted and never got even an acknowlegement that they were received, even after a follow-up prompt. A “thank you” or even just an acknowlegement that they were received would have been nice.
As with many questions and issues on this modeling forum, it is often a question of what PERIOD you are modeling— or mentally living in.
And sometimes they overlap. (Mrs. Fastidious Neatnik and the next door Messy family: http://www.trainboard.com/railimages/data/548/GlurkNeat.JPG) (As a courtesy to readers for whom this model photo is not relevant, who have seen it before, or who don’t want to hold up their download time downloading a photo they don’t want to see, I am posting a link rather than forcing a display of the picture…)
jerryl,
I have sent web site addresses with detailed access to two people recently. One responded within the hour with a Thankyou. We will see how long it takes for the response.
Fifty percent is not bad. I live in a rural community. Everyone just takes more time.
Sue
Why should other people aspire to your standard unless you standard speaks to people of good faith and courtesy by action?
My Dad had a “back” to everything he did. He got riled if he didn’t get a “thankyou”, he got riled if he didn’t get a “please”. He got riled about just about anything. And if we didn’t know what he was riled about that just showed how inept we were… so he got riled about that.
I was building my first motorcycle from bits one night about '72 when the news came on… some village in 'nam got napalmed… friendly village… no survivors they said. I stopped dead from the tantrum I was having about not finding the spanner I wanted and thought “What’s my problem”?
Lao Tsu says that “teaching without words and actions without doing are understood by very few”.
Yeshua said that before we point out a mote in another man’s eye we should consider the timber in our own.
Smile nicely, say thankyou and think what you think quietly… they may be able to run faster than you…
I just have this sneaking suspicion that it isn’t so long since you had a thread deleted for expressing yourself unfortunately… could be wrong… not my issue…
“Manners” creeps in here from time to time. I always say TIA in my requests…cos I never know when to say “Thankyou” and apparently close off a thread.
You never know, a non-response may mean the recipient of your help has gone off line, been killed in a car wreck or whatever.
Does it really matter to you that much?
I like a “thankyou” but I give my help because I want to.
Did you say “thankyou” to God today for the real nice life you have, the roof over your head, the education, the clean water on tap, the sanitation, the fact that no-one is trying to kill you, the food in your stomach and the reserve in your freezer… powered by cheap electricity?
Have a real nice day
Dave-the-Train, Amen, Amen, and Amen!
I agree with you 100% Jerry.
Tracklayer
I sent two Proto circuit boards to someone and I’ve always wondered if they got them. I wasn’t looking for a thank you, I already got that before I sent them out but just a note saying they got them and that they fixed their loco’s would have been nice.
To Dave The Train… No where in my post did I mention " Thank You" I merely mentioned confirmation that the articles were received, and yes I thank God everyday for what he has given me that I don’t deserve. I would like to respond to the rest of your letter, but I’m not sure I understand what you are trying to say. jerry