I recently moved into another location with more space and have been thinking about expanding my 4X8 layout since before I moved because space was an issue. I set up a decent track plan, then ran it by my wife, which shot it down quicker than a duck hunter.
I’m sure some of us have been there. Thinking I’ve got space for some slight expansion and then the “where is the stuff upstairs going to go” and “the kids need space to play” (whenever we do have kids) etc. and “I don’t know where you think you’re going to get the money for this” and so forth.
Dont expand the 4X8, build a shelf layout. Example, I am 15, which means my parents are still hanging over my shoulder like a pair of dead geese. Instead of a space filling “Island” layout, I was allowed to build a 9X10 L shaped shelf layout in my bedroom that is 3 feet from the wall at it’s absolute widest. it doesnt take up much space, uses otherwise unusable corners of the room, and keeps the main area free. If you are interested in continuous running, which I am guessing you are, all you need to do is build two fold down balloon tracks at either end. When you’re playing with trains, bend them up, and let the fun begin, but when the youngsters want play time, fold them down, and is as unobtrusive as cabinetry along the walls.
I can sympathize. If it is really important, and you feel Her bite especially keenly, and if you know she is right (probably true, eh?), then you can use this as an opportunity to make it go your way in a future such exchange.
First, plan it out and set it up better. Discuss it beforehand so that, as they say in Newfoundland, “She knows where yer at.” Introduce her to your dreams, and engage her as an agent in their reality. She may say no and roll her eyes, but she is facing a reality that makes her deal with your perhaps unrealistic expectations that way.
Ask her what she would need in order for you to get most of what you dream of. She may say to make more money, to give up something else, to sell something, to fix something you would otherwise pay to have fixed, and so on. Negotiate with her, develop an agreement between you, and you each come away with part of a bargain. It will happen, but you must deal with it constructively.
When I was planning my last layout my wife agreed to a 4x8 in the garage. When I changed the plans to build a HOG style layout in the spare room she told me no because all the extra track was going to cost more than we had agreed on and it was going to take up too much space and displace a bunch of “stuff”. I went through all of the “stuff” that wasn’t going to have a home, and got rid of most of it. It needed to go anyway. The stuff that was left over I put in the garage after I cleaned that out too and reorganized it. As far as the money goes, I answered a few craigs list adds for someone with a pickup to come and haul stuff to the dump. The result. I got my way, after I showed her I was willing to work with her. The only other thing I had to do was put an old computer desk in the train room with the understanding that I could use it for a workbench, as long as it was clean an accessible for her sewing machine. We both ended up spending time in there together after the kids were in bed. She was sewing and I was “playing with my trains.” The total cost. Two weekends of my life and a whole lot of “stuff” I didn’t have to move two years later.
Communication is the key. You each need to let the other know what is important to you and both of you need to respect that. My wife and myself are working on a design for what will probably be the last house we own. Next stop the old folks home after that. She needs lots of space for her six Golden Retrievers and I need a trainroom. Neither one of us expects the other to do without what’s important to us as it makes us happy doing those things. When I see the joy my wife gets from her dogs, that makes me happy. I know she has the same feelings in return.
When we got married (I was forty) We moved from the city to the country so that all our needs were met. We got a house more than twice as big on 1.25 acres for the same price as our little house in the city on a 65 x 110 Ft. lot. I had to change my work location and my wife also had to make some changes. The expensive sports car was sold and a Honda Civic took its place for the commute. Can’t have it all.
Change is the biggest part of growth. Every time my kids came to me with a problem, I always asked them how they are going to solve the problem. Now they come with the problem and a solution and ask what I think of their solution. Everthing has a fix.
People don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan.[:)] Start communicating or[W]
Thanks for the compliments, fellas. Really, it has been said before, and much more simply, and not by me: work smarter, not harder. Same goes for fun time.
If what I read at the outset is complete, I’m guessing the only thing choking the missus is money. She may have plans of her own, and she may have contributed to this impasse by not sharing them, either. So, we possibly have two people, each eyeing a tiny sack of coins, dreaming it is a ripe plum for the picking, and now both are keenly disappointed because one of them sprang a surprise on the other. In a marriage, it is rare that only one person gets to eat the whole pie. Divide it and enjoy it together. Between mouthsful, talk to each other. Sometimes, put a forkful of your own half-pie into her mouth. It fairly shouts volumes about how much you value what she brings to your life.
Make her an ally, not an obstacle. She’s not a mind reader, but she’ll soon conclude that the male half is not being up front all the time. That builds mistrust, resentment, and a growing feeling that she has to be the bad cop all the time. No wife wants that…at least, not one I’d keep. [(-D]
Fifteen years ago, when our house was being rebuilt after a fire that destroyed a very layout unfriendly house and conciderable Lionel equipment and rolling stock. As we walked up the stairs to the second floor, she looked right and said “that’s the train room.”
Work kept me very busy, but I did get the sheetrock up.
Son returned due to marital seperation. Moved out. Mother-in-law returned from Texas and moved in. Got her into the trailer next door. Work routine changed greatly. Was just getting used to the extra time available and thinking about cleaning out the “stuff” and getting to finishing the room. Second son returned home, similar situation. He’s been here a year and a half, has kids whenever they are not in school (uses other available area) and shows no sign of leaving.
Instead of having a nice 13’x22’ space on the second floor. I am in an 8’x14’ in the cellar. I realize it is better than many folks have. It is not the space I had been planning for, thus have too much stuff for a layout that size. (I have been collecting while I could not build.) The ceiling is not finished and the walls are only temporary, not really suitable to mount a shelf on.
I’m lucky to have a space. A wife that is basically supportive, hasn’t complained about the expenses (not sure she knows how much is invested), but doesn’t seem to be encouraging son to get out on his own. (He was blindsided and needed some time, but I think it is time for him to move on.)
Or, you could simply point out very STRONGLY to her that: when you are “playing with your trains” she knows WHERE you are, WHAT you are doing, and WITH WHOM {yourself} you are doing it with.
Then kindly point out you COULD take up drinking, gambling and carousing with other women.
Then tell her it’s HER choice what your hobby locale/space/financial arrangements COULD be. Trains or Carousing? which one honey?
I’ll bet she’ll see trains in a whole different light.
If not, as someone said, maybe you could trade HER in for a different model. MAke sure the new one is DCC friendly!
I got lucky. The Mrs knew about my hobby before we bought our first house & space was negotiated. Same with the second house, this time, space is in the basement instead of the walk-up attic.
Hey. After 20 years years of kids in the house I finally get the room to build a layout. In the mean time I collected, read and researched. I had amassed quite a lot of stuff. All this time with no layout I only had a small test track and the annual train under the tree deal running.
Ten years ago I joined a local club. We have a permanent layout and also do a modular layout for shows. At one time we did 14 shows a year. I have 5 modules that travel to the shows and when they are not traveling they are up in the spare room that will house my layout. I recommend looking into a club type deal in your area.
Patience is the key to a railroad empire of the future. In the mean time amass all the stuff and knowledge you can comfortably handle without the marital friction. Never argue but always get the last word in. Yes Dear.
I think you nee to grow a set of stones pal, your wife wears the pants in the house. Relationships work from both sides, and right now she’s not even compromising. We all know there’s some give and take, but to be shot down and just walk away speaks volumes about your half of the relationship.