I know, I know. I said the other day that I was burned out on the hobby and had run out of topic ideas, but once in a while I manage to pull something out of my hat.
Several months ago I was at one of my favorite hobby shops (The Roundhouse) when a couple of guys walked in and started looking around. One guy was really into it, while the other guy just stood around with his hands in his pockets not showing much interest or saying anything. Finally the shop owner got around to talking to the guy with his hands in his pockets and said - long time no see… And asked him where he’d been keeping himself. He said that he and his wife had had a big fight a while back because she said he had been spending way too much time on his layout and way too much money on trains, and that if he didn’t grow up and start acting like a husband should, that she was going to leave and divorce him, so he got out of the hobby in order to save his marriage. I didn’t say anything, but just shook my head…
This guy needs to learn that you can have a great relationship w/ your spouse and still enjoy a hobby. it’s not all that difficult, unless the wife is totally unreasonable or extremely difficult. Maybe I’m just lucky especially w/ all the time I spend in the basement or the club.
Robert, I am here to tell you that you are not alone. My wife is very understanding about this hobby as well. BUT, there is a fine line as to how much time and money you can spend on your layout and still not have to live in the “dog house”. Luckily, I have found the proper balance. The way I look at it is this - I am involved in “The World’s Greatest Hobby”, but I also have the world’s greatest wife that allows me the freedom to do it!
I don’t think trains were the only issue in the marriage. Besides, you only over heard his side of the story. I wonder what his wife would have said about the situation?
I’ve got one of those unreasonable/difficult relationships. In my case, if (when) it came down to a choice between marriage and trains…well, there are 2 billion women on this Earth, and trains will always be there. Maybe if she had one of those relationships where her next husband came home late, drunk, after having been in the girlie bar and spending half his pay on booze and tips for the girls, she might realize that model RR’ing was a good way to keep hubby at home, even if it’s in the basement. Then again, maybe she wouldn’t…probably. I guess some women are like that.
To answer the question, I’d say my devotion to modelling is much higher (right now, anyway)than the failing marriage. If/when the marriage falls apart, I’m finding my next one at the hobby shop! Failing that, the single life is OK with me, I think [censored](making love) is highly overrated anyway. Must be an after-effect of a bad ralationship. I better cut my ranting short…[soapbox]
…and for me, at least, it would have nothing at all to do with her looks. My wife is my best friend, and if she tells me that I am letting trains become a wedge between the two of us, I have long since learned not to take that lightly. She is a sensible woman (how could I have had three daughters with her else?), so I trust her to tell me the way she sees things, and to be honest enough with me to tell me she is concerned. If I want to be HER best friend, I had better take her warnings seriously.
Apparently, that was enough for this gentleman, too. Later, with some discussion, he may be able to get her to agree to certain limits that he can live with in trains. He should expect to have the opportunity to negotiate with her when something about her bugs him, too.
I am reminded of an old Andy Capp cartoon. Andy says to Flo, “Our marriage is all about give and take, Dear. You’re the one that gives.” That was funny in a cartoon, but it isn’t funny in a relationship.
Sorry for the rant. I have strong feelings for and about my wife. The trains are just an amusement…a pass-time.
There is no woman good looking enough for a guy to give up his trains. Remember this when you see a fine looking gal “No matter how good she looks right now there is a really good chance that somewhere someone is tired of putting up with her crap” Fortunately my wife and I are still in love after almost 20 years, two kids and a roller coaster life. Fortunately for me too she’s still looking real good, but I’m pretty darn sure I’‘ll still love when her when her beauty fades. She has never complained about my trains but she sure can have a temper and occasionally gets mad as hell. When that happens I just say something like "*** your beautiful…you know a in’ mad woman makes me so hot I just want to *&$#(^#@%^%^&&) her, then &^%$#(&^%&^ her again. That will usually either make em’ so mad they’ll leave you alone or you get to &&^%(%$## %)$#@$# them right on the spot. If model railroading or a hobby is a point of contention in a marriage either a guy has become so consumed by it that he ignores his family all together or its something his wife focuses on because there is some other bigger problem. Bruce
Crandell I am the same way with my wife. However my wife knows my love of the hobby and would never ask me to put it down. If she was for some reason to ask me too… I dont ever seeing that happen but if she did. Hands down the train would have to go. Ive been married 11 years. You dont just throw that way over a hobby.
I am sure there was more to that guys story then he put out.
My wife likes and supports my hobby and has never expressed the feeling that I spend too much time or money on it. That is quite likely because I am CHEAP with a capital C so I keep my purchase of locomotives and other expensive items to a minimum. I have learned that even though I’m cheap; Kato, P2K and Spectrum are worth the extra money so when I do buy a locomotive I buy a good one.
I HAVE heard some complaints from my wife about the amount of time I spend on computer bulletin boards. Can you imagine that?
Forget about it Aggro!
The sex is only temporary…
The pissing and moaning goes on WAY longer!
A talent like yours is WAY too valuable to trade for a headache.(oh, wait, I meant to say wife.)
OK,OK,OK… I know some of you guys have wives that support your hobby and you all should worship the ground they walk on!!! (literaly)
I haven’t found that woman yet, and gave up looking.
Got rid of my wife and HER drug addict kids and kept my trains.(best move I ever made!!!) They stole most of my stuff and traded it for crack. Good thing they didn’t know what trains where worth.[xx(][:(!] (but I’m not bitter or anything…)
I have a really needy wife who gets pissed when I spend time on the trains. I have thought about just saying forget it, and selling them. I love my wife to death and she is ultra hot, and I know I could never land anything like her again, looks wise, so I just wait till she gets in the shower for my 30 minute refuge to the train room. When her shower goes off, I bolt from the train room, to pay her tons of attention. :))
WOW!!! You must be having some dynamite sex to put up with that. I don’t think I’ve ever had sex that was THAT good.
Or maybe I did, but at 53 I don’t really care anymore. I’m at the age where many times I’d rather watch my train go into the tunnel than… well, you know.
Todd- Wow-that sounds really whipped. But I guess she’s givin YOU something my trains don’t give ME.(lucky dog[:P]) I learned to stay away from woman that say “I’m high maintanance” on the first date.[:-^]
I have a great wife too. We have our time and each others time.But She knew from day one, My motorcycles and trains were here first. And they will be here long after she’s gone. So we have a good understanding. My train money doesn’t come out of the monthly budget. Its money from my motorcycles restoring. And after 10 years, 6 being married we have a great life together.
we don’t know the whole story, he could have almost put them into bankuptcy with his puchase, this hobby is expensive and if you already are behind on ca***hen this hobby could make it worse. or he could be spending so much time in the basement that HE was ruining the marriage because he never was around.
We must also remember our models are just peices of plastic, they don’t make you happy, you make yourself happy playing with them. Trains can’t give you anything back, they can’t love you in return. A good marriage can do that, and I’m not talking about in the bedroom. not saying trains are bad but choosing a peice of plastic over another human being? I mean there are good reason’s for divorce but not liking this hobby is not one.
Andrew
There are a zillion hobbies out there. I choose this one at this time because of what it has to offer.
But relationships and hobbies don’t have to be at odds with each other. It has to do with attitude. If you openly use the hobby as an escape to get away from your wife, she will resent it. IF you invite her to join you and experience it with you, while she might not, at least she will have been invited and feel apreciated.
Include her in your life and most likely she will feel appreciated. Recently, I set up a workbench in her studio so that when I worked on things for the layout, we could be together. She appreciated it, now wants the workbench back in the basement. Now it is her choice.
When my wife says something about the time, I tell her that it’s better to be building models than out chasing them. Or that I’m happier settling down to spend time with my 4-6-2 than with a 38-24-38.
Welcome to the Forums Chris. My wife has no problem with my trains. It helps that she as a young girl got to go to a real steam roundhouse with a neighbor. She even goes to train shows with me and even joined the local club with me. However she does appricate cars of some color other than brown or red. And there are lots of those to buy. Of course I have no problem with her time spent watching football so it all works out. Phil
No wife… Single and happy… Had a fiance’ once… Quite needy… Got a dog to keep me company as she was going to school on the other side of the state… Dog didn’t like her, she said “me or the dog” so the dog and I sold her engagement ring on ebay… Haven’t looked for another woman since. Too much pissing and moaning about BS. Too many loaded questions like “does this make me look fat?”…
It’s very nice that some of you are able to share the hobby with your ladies, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve never understood why it is the wife has all the say as to what goes on in the house… Maybe I’d have to be married to understand it… Sex can’t be the reason because you can get that without marraige.
Old Joke:
Two guys talking about getting married. One says to the other, “I’d rather marry an ugly woman than a pretty one”… Second guy asks “Why?”… First guy responds “The pretty one is likely to run away”. Second guy inquires “Won’t the ugly one run away too?” First guy replies “Yes, but who cares…”
Abbott and Costello…
If you’ve found one that you can stand to be around everyday and that can stand you for the same amount of time, You have my respect…