Good for you:
You just ended what the psychologists call a “Toxic friendship”, where being around a person sucks you dry of any enjoyment of the association. With friends like these, you do not need enemies. Since you would avoid associating with an enemy, the same can be said about a toxic friend. Life is too short to tolerate a situation you do not have to put up with.
I don’t know that all such friendships are toxic or need to end. I’d love to find a guy or a whole clubfull of guys who needed bridges built, were willing to supply the materials and let me stay busy doing what I enjoy. I think I’d get more benefit from such an arrangement than the recipient of the bridges.
Clearly though, there are lines that can be crossed, where too much is too much. There’s blame to be had o both ends for allowing that situation to continue to the point where either party gets angry. See it coming, draw your lines in the snad, and stop it before it ever starts. Then the choice as to ending the friendship lands where it belongs, on the other guy. If he wants to respect your limits, all well and good. If not, then he walks away and you know you did all you could.
There’s probably a lot of wanna-be modelers out there who could be good at it, or at least have fun with it, but they don’t try simply because someone else is willing to do it for them. Move past that and see what happens.
I’d say there’s some evidence for the “Blackest Days” theory too - Apparently suicide rates go up during January, mainly as people realise that they’ve spent too much but also as the light and noise of Christmas gives way to another few months of winter. Not sure what advice I can give except to get started on that pile of kits that you’ve accumulated over the past few months.
Like the majority of others on this thread, I really can’t see that you’ve done anything wrong - this guy was taking advantage of your helpful nature and not bothering to learn anything. I’ve seen a few people like this and have heard it called “Learned Helplessness” - they convince themselves that they cannot do a task, no matter how many times you explain it and demonstrate it. End result is they expect you to fix their loco/PC/car/whatever. They will ignore all attempts to teach them how to do the job too - even if you come up with a simple written checklist they’ll ignore it and phone you!
You should be ashamed of yourself! YOU force him into the hobby and then cut him off like that! Shame,Shame! [:-,] (sounds like your layout will be better off without him)[;)]
Most model railroaders that I know are extremely generous and willing to help–just take a look at the support and info available on this list! My skills are very limited and the help that I receive from the posts here is nothing short of remarkable. The key, it seems to me, is that there is a desire to learn and to try. Frankly, I can’t understand a person who is totally dependent on another’s skills, to the point of not developing their own. It just doesn’t compute with me.
So lest I fall into the category of the unappreciative, let me say that I sure value the help that this list offers. Thanks all!
I once had a bunch of freeloaders for friends. They loved getting sound systems installed, check engine lights fixed, and a myriad of other mechanical and electrical problems resolved on their cars. It took a while, but I realized that it was a one-way street. I finally got my fill and announced that I would be charging for repairs, at a lower rate than the dealers, but still charging. This thinned the “herd” nicely. Those willing to pay got their repairs and the rest moved on. A win-win situation if ever there was one.
Perhaps you should do the same, since this clown has stated he is willing to take his stuff to the LHS. I am sure the LHS does not run a community service for dysfunctional Model Railroaders. They will want to be compensated for any and all repairs. Tell him you also intend to charge for your services. Services not available at any LHS. Explain that the handholding period is over and it is time to sink or swim. What are his options? He can grow and learn to fend for himself. He can pay you for your time. He may even get mad and eventually sell everything. Perhaps you can buy it! Another win-win situation if ever there was one.
Jim
IF ever there was a case for RTR and built-up structures…
first of all, it’s good that you tried to help someone, but he doesn’t sound like much of a friend, how does he expect you to do everything for him? that’s half the piont of MRRing is buiding your layout, wiring it , putting scenery on it , building kits… It’s good you blew off some steam
Well, honestly, I am not sure if you are goign about this the right way…
Maybe you should hae handled yourself different, mostly your attitude to the forum and the need to bring yourpersonal drama here. Next time, before you do, maybe you need to consider some things…
You made the comment, “Blowing off steam”, well are you a steam era modeler? Then that would be acceptable. Because if you are a more of a modern era modeler, such as deseils, then maybe you should have used the expression " I need to exhaust some frustration…" Just trying to point the proper way…
[:o)]Ok so I am being a clown. A reallt smartass [:o)]
Actually, just trying to make a point of bringing in some humor. This hobby should not stress you out ay any level… Well, maybe trying ot find that last Kadee spring that shot off the table onto the carpet might be little stressful…But besides the point. I leave stress a work. I think you did the right thing and hopefully you wont let anyone else getcha pigeonholed cause of a good heart. Dont be afraid to tell someone to pound ballast[}:)] he was out of line, and he has dug his own hole. Serves him right.
[:D]
I’ve been accused of getting people into this hobby too… And sometimes it has cost me time… But the give - give is always a 2 way street with these people… That is, they’ve invested as much time in my layout as I have in thiers. I know you didn’t ask for and probably don’t care about our opinions but here’s mine anyway… I have to agree with most here, you’re better off… Not because of the loss of a modeling buddy, yes, loose fit term but he still was interested in trains, but because of the rest of the personality conflicts. I don’t like being around people like that either. The guy sounds pretty negative to me…
Jeff
Sounds like a time vampire to me. Sux the time away from your work so that you can do his. OBTW its better to work with someone than for someone. I’m not the best at any detail of MR but I’m willing to work on it. I do fine with model building and the like but my wiring skills are rudimentary. If I had a good buddy around I’d make sure I assisted him/her with their layout and then have them reciprocate. That way the build time is shared and the joys are multiplied.
Makes me glad I’m a “Lone Wolf” model railroader!
You make my mouth water momac34… I wish I could be that way myself.
Tracklayer
Good job guys. Huh one of the reasons I am a MR is so that I can learn knew skills. I know nothing about trains other than that I like them. One of the great things about this hobby or any other are the challenges they provide. Hell I am only just learning how to curve flex track now properly.
You guys did the right thing but should have told these clods to loose your numbers and never darken your doorstep long before. Rude people will treat you like a door mat as long as you allow it nad your support only enables their rude and helpless behavior.
A-holes will continue to be so as long as they get enablers. Cut them off and let them stew in their own venomous juices and stress themselves out over the world they have created for themslevs, no reason to allow them to continue to ruin your life.
There is a simple term for people like this…loosers. Avoid them and life is better.
I know how you feel. had a guy down the street that every saturday, like clock work would bring me somthing to repair. Being a good neighbor I did it, exchanging things on a weekly basis.
Then a bike caught my eye and I ask the young lad from accross the street how the newley welded gooseneck was holding up, Just great…Mr X welded it up for only five bucks…I fumed and thought about nothing but…On the next saturday morning here he came with somthing to fix. I greeted him warmley ( even with my tongue bleeding sort to speak) Well Ralph I need ten bucks for the stuff in the garage and then I’ll fix that thing in your hand…He was shocked I had such a nerve to ask for my time and money for welding rod, and such. He stated he didnt have the ten bucks on him and would pay me later…Well when you do I will give the repaired object to you (cant remember what is was now but worth more then my repair price). He later returned with the ten bucks and never waved at me when he drove down the street after that.
I personaly believe one hand washes the other, thats why I love this forum and enjoy everyone here
Lighten up bud…tomorrow is another day…the sun will shine even if its raining.
Take care…John.
in the recent drafting exploratory class in skool, EVERYONE became a leech, and sucked me dry of willingness to help.
the main asignment was to draw freehand a corvette, looking at a prepared drawing. i enjoy drawing stuff, mostly cars, so this was too easy. about 5 minutes into it, i heard “hey Rooney,(my last name) help me with(isnert part of car)” i know almost no one at skool, and my only good friend goes to a different skool. i was ok with helping people add a mirror, or draw the brake calipers and such, but after" hey Rooney, is this wheel good?" or something, id had enough. over the course the day, everyone in the class asked me several times to help. some people called me over to say “i suk. draw this for me.” reply, “d*** right you suk, you didnt even TRY!! how do you think i got good at this?”
o well. some people just want everything done for them. i dont hold that against anyone, its human nature. were all guilty of it.
GEARHEAD426[8]
Good Move there! Usually people like that are products of their raising. Spoiled and sheltered kids grow up to be selfish, demanding adults. 38, single, still lives at home. I bet he does not pay any rent either.
Your so called “JUNK” is more than what I have. I’m still on the dining room floor, with Easy Crap, er Track, while I am converting the garage to a temperature controlled room for a layout.
put cooking oil on his wheels
Have you ever had a ‘friend’, that every time you’re around them you seem to not feel as good mentally as when they’re not around? Their bad mood starts to get you in one? I’m 62 so I speak from long experience. Life is short. You do not have time for friends that either use you or bring you down.
Considering this fellas other bad habits, you’re better off without his friendship.
Believe me.
Jarrell