well its a bit rough on trueness but its one of a few
Untitled
A clank of the coupler,
the serpent is born.
The radio cracks,
the engine slows down
All is quite now,
except for the “Tsk” of the
snake being filled.
A journey is about to begin,
bound for the unknown.
With a highball on mind.
We’re about to set west.
well…[:)]
Nice! Though it should be “quiet” not “quite”. Maybe “highball in mind”?
With the ideas Mark suggested above I think you are on to something here. Great!
Ron
n2mopac Posted: Today, 11:47:22
With the ideas Mark suggested above I think you are on to something here. Great!
Ron
Both Posts are on track, it is a good reading piece,…" but the devil is in the details.".
SAM
i am a bit dyslexic so i make a mistake and dont see it but yes not that its at my attention thank you for the tips
I like the poem on my sig. (its not mine)
Yours is GREAT though!
Small suggestion - change “quiet now” to “now quiet”, and “set west” to “head west” ??
Won’t change the sense, but might read a little better, and the idea’s good.
Nearly forgot - should “radio cracks” be “radio crackles” ??
lol thanks for the heads up
when you give all these corrections you sound like my language arts teacher on an essay i get back lol[:D][:D]