Shop tools

Model Railroader General Discussion (Model Railroader)
1

I came across this on one of the other forums I frequent. It’s also applicable here, I think. Enjoy!

Caution: may induce fits of hysterical laughter!

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh, ****!”

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race…

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good al

2

LMAO, that is TOO funny. Thanks man!

3

OH god im crying. why does my sides hurt so bad?

You forgot gloves. Good for holding in the blood until you get out from under the hood.

I do a lot of road service for my company and have found that rain gear really keeps the water in close to your soaking wet clothes.

Pete

4

Beauty, eh! Had me laughin’ out loud. [(-D]

Wayne

5

That is SO hilarious! The scary part is that it’s also so TRUE![(-D]

6

I just did this yesterday pulling the motor out of my Trans Am, at the time I didn’t think it was that funny.[banghead]

7

Wha!!! Man,That ain’t no shop…Wheres the duct tape?? [:O]

Where’s the Kentucky socket wrench?

8

Loved it! Made me laugh!

9

Been there, done (some of) that:[:-^]

Then I learned better. In the aircraft maintenance business, you either learn to use tools with finesse, or you get out of the business.[^]

Still, good for a laugh.[(-D][(-D][(-D][bow]

Chuck (ex-USAF wrench bender, modeling Central Japan in September, 1964)

10

Sorry Brakie, haven’t found any good ones yet involving those tools. I was able to dig up a few more however …

Air Compressor - Redneck shower hose. Frequently used to rearrange dust & debris on the floor. Or for locating those safety glasses…

Rubber Mallet - Used for sealing paint cans while creating Jackson Pollock murals on newly finished projects.

Hot Melt Glue - Used for creating temporary pink tattoos and doing SpiderMan impersonations.

Solder -Real Man’s way to remove unsightly leg hair

Crimping Tool - Any pair of pliers that don’t close right

Brad Nailer - Used for locating potential IV sites on fingers and hands

Work Bench - Any waist high horizontal surface in the shop piled with so much junk you can’t see the top.

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I have been a heavy truck and mining equipment mechanic for 35 years and have found that any horizontal surface in or near a shop becomes a work bench. The most uncluttered part of any workbench is just to the left or right of the vise.

You cant forget tweezers. Once you steal them from the wife’s bathroom they make every grab iron or coupler spring disappear forever. Things usually shoot into a fourth dimension never to be seen again.

Pete

12

I was laughing so hard I could barely see the screen - good stuff!

It’s so funny because it’s true [:D]

13

LOL, how those weren’t on the list I don’t know.

Here is another one.

CA - Forms a permanent bond between any materials EXCEPT the ones you’re trying to attach together.

14

Love it.

You forgot

Chisels - useful for slicing fingers.

Enjoy

Paul

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WOOD RASP: A metal bar covered with teeth engineered to abrade flesh more efficiently than wood…Gary

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Dam someone’s been in my garage, you forgot two of the most important thing every shop needs besides girly calenders and what r now old cloths used for rags but were something you were wearing last week, A first aid kit and a refrigerator to keep the beer cold.

Thats some funny stuff

17

There is no better description of shop tools around!

This thread has made my day - thank for posting!

18

Crescent Wrench: Designed to make crescent shaped gouges in your knuckles after they slip off the bolt head. Larger crescent wrenches are available to make larger gouges, should you so desire.

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Next time please post warnings and a disclaimer. I was sitting on a bar stool with a can of beer. Nearly fell off a few times. [(-D]

Rich

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A Crescent wrench is also called a left handed Metric wrench here in Kansas.