Got a good railroad joke? Post it here!
Now
The funny thing is…
Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those must be deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!” The third blondie said, “No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!” They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
I think I get it now!
And the funny thing is…
Late one night a stoped logging train was rear ended by an en express freight train, the investigation later that day was centered on whether or not the crew of the logging train had flagged the express train sufficiently.
“Now, then,” said the superintendent to the log train’s rear brakeman, “were you flagging your train that night?”
“Yes, sir,” he said.
“And were you at least a half-mile from your train?” asked the superintendent.
“Yes, sir,” said the brakie.
“And did you attempt to flag the express down?” asked the superintendent.
“Yes, sir, and they went right on past me,” the brakie said.
“And did you use a red lantern?” the super asked.
“Yes, sir,” the man said. “Of course.”
Well, the railroad couldn’t decide who was at fault, so the investigation was closed.
“You did just what I asked you to,” said the conductor of the local freight to the rear brakeman after the hearing. “You told the truth. But were you nervous at all?”
“You bet!” replied the brakeman. “I was hopin’ that guy wouldn’t ask me if the lantern was lit!”
Oddly enough, this joke was in my grandfather’s old book of ‘chestnuts’, except it was a road crossing, and the guy told how he had lifted the lantern and swung it in the prescribed fashion that stormy night… but the driver just didn’t stop. (Same ending…)
A related sort of joke:
Remember ‘word problems’, or as they used to be called, ‘story problems’?
If a train is moving at 79mph, 800 feet away from a crossing, and a driver is approaching the same crossing 400 feet away at 40mph in an 18-foot-long car, does the driver get across?
Answer later.
And this slogan, re-introduced for Operation Life Saver (not to be confused with the other one, this is the program that provides sugar-coated bits of advice that are ‘a part of living’…
He was right, dead right, as he sped along…
But he’s just as dead as if he’d been dead wrong…
(From the same 1903 joke book as the above…)
Burma Shave! (Or are you too young to remember those signs?
I’ll bite - 18 foot car would probably be a boxcar - on an adjoining track, so yeah, driver would probably get across unless he leaned out of the window too far! (and he would be an engineer, not a driver!)
La Mook
The funny thing is:
How many 600-volt DC subway workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
For answer higlight between stars:
five
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A rookie brakeman is out, late one night, on his first trip. The head brakeman tells him to set the brakes on a car, so he puts his lantern on the ground and climbs to the top of the car.
“Hey,” yells the head brakie, “what’s the matter with you! You don’t ever leave your lamp sitting on the ground,” and he tosses the lantern up to the rookie.
Meanwhile, the engineer and the fireman are sitting in the nice, warm engine cab 30 cars away. The fireman calls the hogger over.
“You’ll never believe what I just saw,” he says. “That brakeman stood flat footed on the ground and jumped to the top of that car there, and he had his lantern with him!”
OK I get it. The driver WOULD get across (A Cross, see) on his GRAVE!
/Bill
Woof, ya got it:
Yes the motorist got across – a beautiful marble cross, donated by his grieving widow and friends…
Somebody tell me why it takes 5 of the subway workers to change a light bulb. And what does their sexual preference have to do with it, or the fact that they work on the Washington Metro? I’m either too young or too old to get it…