Sorry about raising such a morbid topic, but I have a terminally ill Model railroader/ railfan friend who has asked me to arrange a non religious rail themed funeral. I am looking mainly for suggestions as to suitable readings, music and coffin decoration.
A touchy subject, and I have to admit, I have not given it much thought up to now. I found some lyrics, which may be in the direction you are thinking of:
You haven’t changed.
Stand in the light,
I need to see you,
uncover my eyes.
The tears coming down,
making lines on your face.
One for each year, now
that you’ve been away.
We were only kids,
we ran like water.
Your dad said,
stay away from my daughter.
The sun was coming down when I said,
can’t you just believe?
And if you wait for me,
I’ll be the light in the dark if you lose your way.
And if you wait for me,
I’ll be your voice when you don’t know what to say.
I’ll be your shelter,
I’ll be your fate.
I’ll be forever,
wait for me.
I’ll be the last train,
I’ll be the last train home.
You were a storm,
it blew us away.
I wouldn’t leave you,
but you couldn’t stay.
We were only kids,
we ran like water.
Your dad said,
stay away from my daughter.
The sun was coming down when I said,
can’t you just believe?
And if you wait for me,
I’ll be the light in the dark if you lose your way.
And if you wait for me,
I’ll be your voice when you don’t know what to say.
I’ll be your shelter,
I’ll be your fate.
I’ll be forever,
wait for me.
I’ll be the last train,
I’ll be the last train home.
We were only kids,
we ran like water.
I told your dad,
I love your daughter.
The sun was coming down when I said,
Hallie just believe.
And if you wait for me,
I’ll be the light in the dark i
I attended a model railroader’s funeral where some of his trains were on display, a board of photos showing several of us wearing our T shirts with his railroad logo at places like the Grand Canyon, Eifel Tower, Leaning Tower of Pisa, etc.
and mention was made of his layout during the service and in the obituary
It was tasteful and not corny and consistent with recent trends in funerals to show special interests and photo boards.
Unfortunately not many of us would ever be given this magnificent send off that James Gardner received:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTubZOWChbI
Dave Nelson
There is an old gospel hymn called ‘Goin’ Home’ and I could see the words used for this kind of a service. It is often sung to the 2nd movement of The New World symphony by Antonin Dvorak - or maybe just use the words. After all, the ride we all at the end of life takes us home…
- Goin' home, goin' home, I'm a goin' home;
- Quiet-like, some still day, I'm jes' goin' home.
- It's not far, jes' close by,
- Through an open door;
- Work all done, care laid by,
- Goin' to fear no more.
- Mother's there 'spectin' me,
- Father's waitin' too;
- Lots o' folk gather'd there,
- All the friends I knew,
- All the friends I knew.
- Home, I'm goin' home!
- Nothin lost, all's gain,
- No more fret nor pain,
- No more stumblin' on the way,
- No more longin' for the day,
- Goin' to roam no more!
- Mornin' star lights the way,
- Res'less dream all done;
- Shadows gone, break o' day,
- Real life jes' begun.
- There's no break, there's no end,
- Jes' a livin' on;
- Wide awake, with a smile
- Goin' on and on.
- Goin' home, goin' home, I'm jes' goin' home,
- goin' home, goin' home, goin' home!
Some funeral homes do the photo/slide show presentation. These work out well if you have a good group of photos.
“Goin’ Home” is a very old folk tune, may fall into the category of “Negro Spiritual”. Antonin Dvorak lived and taught in Iowa for a period of time (in an area with a large Czech-Slovak population) and borrowed the melody of the old folk song. Writing a classical piece with a main melody based on an older tune is fairly common.
There is an old song often done now by Bluegrass and sometimes C&W artists that goes back 100+ years called “Life is Like A Mountain Railroad” (sometimes called “Life is Like A Mountain Railway” or “Life’s Railway to Heaven” ) that might be appropo. Like many old songs the words can be a little different from one recording to another, but here’s the words as recorded by Linda Ronstadt:
LIFE IS LIKE A MOUNTAIN RAILROAD
Life is like a mountain railroad
With an engineer that’s brave
We must make the run successful
From the cradle to the grave
Heed the curves and watch the tunnels
Never falter, never fail
Keep your hands upon the throttle
And your eye upon the rail
Chorus: Blessed Saviour thou wilt guide us
Till we reach that blissful shore
With the angels there to join us
In God’s grace forevermore (2x to end)
As you roll across the trestle
Spanning Jordan’s swelling tide
You will reach the Union Depot
Into which your train will ride
There you’ll meet the superintendent
God the father, God the son
With a happy joyous plaudit
Weary pilgrim, welcome home
I always liked the reference to a “Union” depot, a depot used by several railroads…implying that there is more than one railroad (religion) you can use to get to heaven.
Well, it´s not an easy job.
Maybe some Johnny Cash?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku4rrtHcBCM
And for decorations? I would go for some very nice big pictures of Steamers with black ribbons flanking a pic of the man himself.
For coffin decoration I would use a logo of his favourite RR printed on cloth, and use it as a memento for his family.
You have some good suggestions. Here’a another
Below is a link to Amazon for railroad songs. You can make a selection and hear a sample. There were so many I just listened to a few.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dpopular&field-keywords=Railroad+songs
Wish you the best in carrying out your friend’s wishes. It’s a big responsibility but an extreme complimant to be asked.
Happy Railroading
Bob
It’s sad that such plans have to be made. The one ray of light through the overcast is that you can get your friend’s input and approval before the plans have to be implemented.
Graffen has a good idea with the photos - but I would suggest a few minor modifications:
- Have your friend select the photo which is the likeness HE wants people to remember.
- Instead of random steamers, go with two builder’s photos, one of a loco built in your friend’s birth year, one of a fresh-off-the-erecting-floor GEVO or genset.
I do not envy your task. Just thinking about it has me all teary-eyed.
“The only guarantee we have in life is death at the end of it.” My late father, at my mother’s funeral.
Chuck (Modeling Central Japan in September, 1964)
Just last week I attended the funeral of a fellow volunteer firefighter. His funeral incorporated not only his 24 years of service to the Clarence (Iowa) Vol. Fire Dept., but also his years selling Kent Feeds, his time helping with 4-H, etc., etc., etc.
Area fire departments brought a truck for the procession. The “fire department family” sat as a group behind the pallbearers. At the cemetery, our antique fire wagon was present. All firefighters stood as a group. We saluted Ross with “the final alarm” by ringing the bell on the wagon.
What really brought all this together, Ross was able to plan his own funeral. Working closely with the Pastor (also on the FD), he detailed how he wanted the service to go. That kept us from “going overboard,” kept it tastefully done; and most importantly, kept it in-line with his and his family’s wishes. It also kept us from performing rituals appropriate for a Line Of Duty Death (LODD) when his was a life-long struggle with cancer.
So, I would recommend ASKING your friend what he would like… what RR music does he like? See if he would want his RR friends sitting as a group, maybe all wearing RR T-shirts. Not only is the ceremony about his family and friends saying “goodbye,” it also in many ways, is his chance to say goodbye to those he cares about.
Let him plan it as much as he can/is willing to.
Best wishes to you and your friend in this difficult time…
Chris 
I would HIGHLY recommend “Last Train Running”. Gives me chills.
some interurbans/streetcars had funeral cars, the CA&E did. Call it odd, some bus systems run a “trolley” bus.
We may see it as a sad moment, but it is also a celebration of life.
Sorry to hear of your impending loss of a friend and fellow modeler.
There are many good suggestions above and I will only add some suggestions for refinement.
For music, find out what he likes. I have been to several funerals that had some rather non-traditional songs, because that is what the person wanted. If he wants Willie and “The City Of New Orleans,” “Chattanooga Choo Choo” or “Take the A Train”, so be it.
I think the idea of a picture board and/or slide show are very good. If he has pictures, let him pick his favorites. If you need to take some of his current layout, have him suggest the shots. Ask him what some of his favorite projects were whether a building, rolling stock or something else, display them if possible, if not, photos. If you have the capability, a video of his layout with some of his favorite trains running. This would give folks that have never visited it a real sense of what he liked and had done.
Not an easy task and you are a good friend to do it for him.
Best wishes to you both,
My Grandfather was an avid baseball fan. When he passed, and before the coffin was closed for the last time we placed a baseball in his hands and a bat next to him in the coffin.
You could do that with a loco or car or a piece of track…
I worked for 4-1/2 years as a funeral director. Now retired, I still work for the same funeral home part time. All the suggestions so far are good. The idea is to make the services personal/special for your friend. The funeral home I worked for carried caskets by Batesville. Embroidered inserts that fit into the lid of the casket are available for a variety of themes. I did one for a former railroad employee of an old steam engine. The casket company was able to FedEx the finished product to me in 48 hours. They had a catalog online to show all the available designs. They also matched the color of the fabric inside the casket the family chose.
Fortunately, you have time to make some decisions and implement your plans. You need to contact your local funeral home to help them make this a meaningful event for the survivors. They have done this before and they can be a big help to you. You are a very good friend!
Also sorry about your good friend. You might want to find some Boxcar Willie, he had alot of train songs also,maybe make a cd with differant train songs and play it softly in the background at the showings and the last viewing, hope everything works for the best you in this time of sorrow for a passing friend. Jim.
I recently learned of the passing of an old friend, an avid baseball fan I was unable to attend his funeral, but in searching for his obituary, I learned that his funeral service was held in the manner of a baseball game, as in nine innings. For the seventh inning, the attendees stood and sang “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” It was a very special service, planned and executed according to his wishes.
Something similar could be done for a railfan, utilizing a timetable as an order of the service and describing each portion of the service as a station stop. There have been many other good suggestions here as well.
If your friend has a collection of trains, please suggest that he make arrangements for the dispostition of his trains now. There is nothing worse than dealing with a family obsessed with obtaining full retail value, or worse, collector value of the estate of a deceased model railroader.
Peace to your friend…
Thanks guys some real good suggestions there to follow up. One poem I thought of using extracts from is Night Mail by WH Auden, probably more familiar to British readers but was written to accompany a film documentary on the LMS mail trains to Scotland. The documentary is available on youtube and is well worth watching.
I know this is late for this post, however I wanted to state how our model club honors one of our members who has passed. I took a car from his favorite line, in this case he retired fr a local company that had their own cars. I painted his name on the side of the car, I put a few accent flowers and mounted it in a display box with rail. The family appreciated the respect.
Something simple and tasteful like that can be quite effective. A few years ago when a friend’s father (who had been a professional ballplayer in the 1940’s-50’s) died, I was able to find a reproduction ballcap of his hometown team that he had played for, and it was placed with him in the casket. There was also a display with some pictures of him during his playing days near the casket.