Guys, I have come to the understanding that I have a problem, or should I say my wife thinks that I have a problem. Over the last couple months I’ve spent over $2000 bucks on trains (mainly engines) without telling my wife. One day while driving my truck she found the credit card statement and went postal on me. After a big ol’ fight with threats of leaving me, I’m back out doing it again. I’m addicted just like a drug and I’m having a hard time pacing myself. I don’t know what it is but I find myself wanting more. I need AA for model trains! Or maybe not.
Mainly I was kind of kidding around but I’m glad that there are guys like you that care. It’s just a matter of loving this hobby a little too much. I’m sure everyone feels that same way. Come on, I’m sure everyone has a story to tell.
a lot depends on how you and your wife have your income/expenses set up . do you pool your income and both spend from the pool or do you keep your money seperate ? does she tell you everything she spends ? when there is a household bill like groceries or a roof repair does one of you just pay it or does it get split between you ?
and now the big questions … are you spending money that should be going towards something else on your trains ? are you letting the credit card bills pile up with no chance of paying them off ?
trains are fun , going into debt to buy them isn’t . if it truely is a problem , hand your wife the credit card for a couple of months so you can cool down
You may have an underlying issue beyond the trains themselves. If you are going to have an honest, respectful and open relationship with your spouse, you need to discuss any major purchases with her.
If you do not believe that you have a compulsive behavior problem, one suggestion would be to set a dollar limit on what purchases you must disclose to her in a given period. Everyone’s economic circumstances are different, so your limit will be based on what the two of your deem as a material purchase. For example, maybe spending $250 per month on your hobby without discussing it with her first would be acceptable. Anything above that amount you may want to discuss with her.
If you do believe you have a serious compulsive behavior disorder, get some assistance from a good psycho-therapist. Good ones can direct you to a self-help type group or be there for you to work on the problem.
If I may, I can remember when that’s all I wanted. Trains, they were becoming my life, my wife became concerned. I was becoming obcessive, so much so, I built my house right next to the tracks, almost next to the old railway station. I went to Waycross, Ga, to buy, yes you guessed it, my own passenger car. The siding was there with a turn out at the railroad station, and CSX was going to tear it out since they didn’t use it anymore, and that’s where I was putting the private car. Since Amtrak came through twice a day, hook up was easy.
I had already buily a 32’ by 17’ HO layout next to my office, double track mainline.
Of course the attack in the house next to the tracks had to have a layout, so another one was built, 30’ by 20’. It took 12 years to build both. The Garden Railroad, ran out in the “Garden”…60’ by 40’. Oh, I converted the layout next to the office into O Scale in 1995.
I went to the Atlanta NMRA Convention, I believe in 1996, met with dealers; so my wife and I rented a department store in our town, she had the antiques on one side and of course I had the Hobby Shop on the otherside. More trains, I finally went into recovery after years of addiction and an obcessive compulsive disorder that is now under control.
I have spent many years in this hobby, starting in 1953, two layouts by 1956, and seven major layouts later, I have come to the same conclusion as Tony Koester of Trains of Thought, it can consume your life, and affect the family. In fact it can take time away from your family, so be careful. He say it’s like a see-saw on the play ground, you have to learn and balance your life. In my case it still leans a little towards model railroading. But, I am down to one layout at our new home, it’s large for one person, some 30’ by 30’ give or take, but only on occaision do I travel to the garage where the new railroad is being built. In fact I limit my time to thirty minutes at a time, may be 45, and when the time is up I go in. The only time I stay longer is on a Saturday
My wife is very supportive of my hobby, so I don’t push it…too much. She only gets a little edgy when she sees brass coming through the door. Or then she wants to know why I NEED an ABBBA consist of Genesis warbonnet F7s when SHE thinks that an ABBA lashup is plenty good!!! Of course this is the same woman that wants to get into garden railroading. If she thinks I spend too much now, she ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
In reality, I don’t get griped at too often. As long as we make a trip to Old Navy or REI every now and then, she is alright!!
I’m glad my wife has a hobby and understands that it’s OK to spend money on a hobby, but when either of goes on a spending kick, we have to call eachother on it.
I had an ebay addiction which has (sort of) gone away because I now have almost all the junk I need. As modelers, we can have a tendency to become obsessed with the hobby, which may lead to out of control spending. Also, the magazines seem to encourage buying, and the trend in the hobby is toward a consumer hobby, rather than a builder or operator hobby.
Tony Koester’s latest Trains of Thought is recent example of consumerism in the hobby. I can calculate that it would cost quite a bit to convert my layout to his “good enough” standard: scale size couplers, sound equipped engines, and wireless throttles. As far as I’m concerned that is an abuse of the “good enough” concept. Determine what’s good enough for you and don’t try to ourspend the giuys at the club or Tony or anybody else.
Here’s my good enough: runs good, metal wheels, good track, Kadee couplers, realistic paint schemes and DCC. Set your goals, and keep your checkbook balanced. Pay off your credit card before the next call to Trainworld. That works for me.
Peter, great food for thought! I can’t take credit for the layout, it’s the club layout up in Livingston, Montana. The trains is mine though. I find that my problem is that I see things that I think will hard to find later that I want to use for my modeling and I grab them before its too late. That’s what makes this hard, is that fact that I think I need, when it’s mainly a want. I’m just glad that I have a very good paying job and that the money is there, its just my budgeting of my pace in the hobbie. I’m 29 and I need to slow down. I have the rest of my life. I should stop and smell the roses, right?
Hi, my name is Jeff, and I too am a trainaholic… But I am also the proud owner of two brand new shiny Atlas B23-7 Gold locomotives. I’ll make it through this 24 hours.
I too had that bug 4 years ago. Same circumstances, credit card in my name & the MRS found the statement.
I had to buy a new roof for the house after that arguement & I only spent $700 in one month.
After the usual “D” word came up, I backed down & backed off buying lots at a time.
Now I spend $20 a week & my LHS allows layaway so nothing I want, will get away from me.
As you mentioned, one of the keys is “a very good paying job.” Just make sure you are also putting away for your son’s college education, your genreal family needs, money in savings for a rainy day, and don’t forget retirement. It may seem like a long way away right now but it’ll be here before you can blink.
A number of members have chipped in with some very good advice. The primary question for you is what’s more important to you.
This old guy will now get off his soapbox and remain silent.
That train thing will bite you if you let it get out of control.
I have a allowance and a generous Layaway so that limited runs, special orders and things like that dont get away. That is one of the best services a hobby shop can provide customers. But it is not good to have too many customers ordering too much stuff and tying the owner’s money for months at a time. I have seen that little shelf grow to massive piles of layaway stuff because people gotta have that limited run or just discontinued item and cannot pay for it right away.
My wife is the barometer, if she is happy then I might get a little something. If she aint happy, she gets taken care of first while the hobby shop waits until another month. It is a stormy journey but one that is without credit cards, excessive orders or compulsive buying.
Anything in life can become an obsession or over bought with a excessive amount of money. I think that money is a good thing but it is better to take care of the bills, home, wife (And kids) etc etc etc before buying trains.
Massive purchases are planned months in advance. Usually the cost of these has been saved up for and paid for before it hits the store.
I cheer your ability to talk about this, it shows you may have hope yet.
Another way to get there (I’ve been down the same road but perhaps to a smaller $$ amount) is to set acquisition limits. Based on space available, I negotiate with the Mrs a rational number of locomotives, cars, and structures that I can reasonably use on the layout. Since I’ve never even dreamed of more than about 100 sq ft, the number of locos is less than 10 (currently 8). Once I have reached 8 (includes unbuilt kits), I have to sell one to buy another one. Same with cabeese and other cars, and structures.
Also picking an obscure region, era, and/or scale can help, especially in combination with the numerical limits. Even though I’m in HO/HOn3, by modeling free-lance Oregon short lines set in 1900, I really reduce the potential acquisitions and temptations. If I have to mail order everything becasue it’s too obscure for the local LHS - temptation reduced. The only problem area left is eBay, and as I said, I use the agreed upon numerical limits to keep myself in check.
I have to agree with my bride - having trains sit in boxes or on display shelves because there is no rational room on the layout is really a waste, and brings me no enjoyment of the item. And thanks to eBay, I don’t have to worry as much as I did even five years ago about an item going out of production or being an extremely limited run. I can probably find one within a few months of when I’m ready to buy.
You need to buy what you really think you will use on your layout. There are a lot of nice train cars out there, but going into debt for trains isn’t good. As for your great paying job, I am glad to hear it, I sort of had one of those also, except in July it is moving south because it can’t compete anymore with energy costs so high here. I went to our local swap meet and bought 6 cars for under $80 that I had all planned to find, and got a great buy. I often found years ago when I bought everything I had to have that it didn’t fit into my layout real well after all, so I ended selling most of them off. As for the wife leaving you, they are easy to replace!
