Not Having Friends In The Hobby. Fear I am Losing The One Possible Friend I have In It.

Model Railroader General Discussion (Model Railroader)
1

I have learened that making freinds as an adult is diffcult, and I am worried that I am losing the one person/connection I have in the hobby. I am a guy who, does not have any close friendships or has anyone to do things with.

I am someone who is fine with his own company and does not feel lonely all the time, but I realize that I do want to have my own group of friends, and am working torwards that.

But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby. In 2018 my interest in the hobby was rejuvinated when I discovered my long lost Mehano CNR 4-8-2 bullet nosed betty locomtoive, which was part of the various Presidents Choice trains sets, this one that was my first.

It was in need of fixing so I conntacted the federation of railway modellers of my province (Canada) that got me in touch with someone that lived close in my area.

He is the president of the NMRA chapter in my area and a Pastor. We ended up chatting via email and hit it off very well. However being that his job was a paster and was very demanding at time we only would meet twice, and once told me he could not meet as he was needed.

He even have me some old issues of MRR and other related publications. I did enjoy talking with him in person, on facebook messanger and on the phone once or twice, but at train shows where he was due to promote the NMRA, I was not able to have a long conversation with him, as he did his own shopping, sitting at the booth etc. I felt coming to the show was a mistake, as I felt this was the one way to talk with him, and didnt get to talk for very long.

He even invited me and my folks to see a play that was a fundraiser for their church, which was nice.

We only talk on messanger, and someone we reply to each others posts on the various model railroading facebook groups. I will at times message him saying hi or to start a conversation going to keep our connection going, but

2

That’s not the way it works. You join, run trains, and when it comes time to do maintainance, install scenery, or build a structure, they’ll teach you what you need to know.

I used to drive an hour to operate on a layout every week.

3

I’ll echo what Chip suggested. Join the club, even if you feel like you’re not expert enough. Most clubs are anxious for new members. You can explain when you contact them what your limitations are, and I’m sure they would be able to help.

Without knowing the Pastor, I can tell you that based on my church’s two pastors, they barely have time for their own families, let alone setting aside time for friends.

Good luck. I hope you can work through this.

4

I lost my one true modeling buddy when my dad passed away in 2012. I know one or two others, but we have zero in common as to what we want to achieve. So, I am mostly a lone wolf…and I’m ok with that!

5

I started collecting things and one day mentioned something I had bought to a fellow that came to the farm monthly. He took up the hobby and passed me in amount of layout finished. We’d go to train shhows together and share what we had done on our own layouts, though we never worked together on a layout.

Sadly, his aging body has made it impossible for him to get to his layout. I had a number of his things packed to take to a show and hopefully sell for him, nut covid struck, and that part of life is on hold.

Now the son of a long time friend. who is retired Navy, has taken up building a Lionel layout. I have shown him my little HO layout and last week I went to see his progress. Though he is only a couple of miles away, I doubt we’ll work together, but we will share what we have done.

Unfortunately the nearest clubs are about an hour away, in opposite directions, and my aging eyes are beginning to dislike night driving.

Even though I am a lone wolf, I have found a lot of “friends” here on the forums. I have only met a couple of forum members, but I feel we are a group, working together to help each other out.

Don’t be afraid to go it alone, there are a lot of folks here that will help you. Don’t keep your hobby in the closet, drop hints of it to other friends, they may or may know someone who has a model railroad. Another thing you can do is, if you have a local hobby shop, you can leave your name (index card with your name and number) at the register and they can give them to folks buying model rr items. Confidentiality stuff makes it so they can’t give you other peoples names, but they can give out your name, since you requested they do so.

Good luck,

Richard

6

Thanks I do appriciate it. I should mention (I didnt as I feared the post would get to long to read) that he does have a model railroading blog, which he adds content to when he can, so he does have some time. He even did a NMRA podcast which I enjoyed listening too. He isnt a bad guy, and does have time for family, even helping his chldren move to university and visit them.

I will see what happens as time goes on. Another paster in the hobby is Ron Marsh who models the BNSF. He has a youtube channel called “Rons Trains N Things.”

7

I have been building a basement HO layout for the last 10 years. There is a club about a 20 minute drive from me. I went there several times and was usually ignored. Eventually the one guy who actually talked to me gave me some paperwork to fill out in order to REQUEST membership in the club. It went on and on about all the requirements I would have to meet including a $10 fee to even be considered. Then after showing up for so many meeting during a certain amount of time I would be considered for membership. Maybe, maybe not. Nobody gave me anything that described what benefits I might get out of being a member. I never went back. I have been a lone wolf and if that is what I can expect from club membership I will remain a lone wolf. I also happen to be a woodcarver and have belonged to woodcarving club for almost 30 years. The woodcarving club was and still is an organization that promotes new members!! So, if you run across some other modelers to socialize with, that’s great but don’t let the lack of modeler friends slow you down. This forum has been great for me and I am sure you will find plenty of support here.

wdcrvr

8

Some people are a lot bussier than you think. I lived in a town where you rairly got to talk to your neigbors, they had buisness to run or second jobs, I usually had two jobs going at once, one being 40hr plus comute and dead time (required lunch) so that ment 55 hrs a week and my other job was being a landlord who did most of their own work, many times I brought home parts and went to work so I missed dinner, even on those days when I got home at a decent hour. Depending on how many people in his ministry, you might have been lucky to talk to him at all.

9

As a pastor, I would like a friend, especially one who shares my model railroad interest.

10

Even lone wolves need some social interaction now and then. That can be as sterile as a forum or as touchy-feely as support groups. Sometimes a kind word to a checkout clerk is all one needs if they look up and smile.

I agree that a well-led club of any kind will greet new faces and offer all kinds of encouragement to return. The lack of skills or knowledge should be no impediment to either the prospective member or the club.

11

Oh boy… I know you are new here. The “old guys” have heard me say all this before.

I do not have any model railroad friends, and I would not invite a model railroader over to my house to see my layout, except for a handful of forum members from here.

If you want hobby friends, take up wargaming. You cannot be a wargamer without friends. There is no such thing as a lone wolf board gamer or wargamer.

This forum is as far as I go into the world of socializing with fellow model railroaders.

-Kevin

12

Hi! I understand your situation. I definently was a “lone wolf”, keeping my MRR social interests on forums and replying to comments on my youtube channel. And I was content.

But ever since I found out my college has a model railroader club, I’ve found how valuable it is to have physical friends in this hobby for me. I realized that the reason I never considered having real life friends in the hobby was simply because I hadent met one yet. Obviously I understand that needing physical friends in this hobby is not for everyone, but I’d recommend everyone to atleast try out a club.

Perks of being in an engineering college!

Anyways, yea I would search for clubs around you. Be aware of imposter syndrom. Trust me, few actually know what theyre doing, dont be afraid of not knowing too much. We’re all here just to have fun!

Side note, I actually met a great friend through my youtube channel, he and I would always comment lengthy conversations in the comment sections, and we would always hit it off. Now, we email each other every few days. Its been great!

Finally, if you happen to be near Paoli, PA, or Champaign IL, I’d be down to meet someone new!

Cheers!

Charles

13

The NMRA has a feature to find fellow modelers in your area.

Shane

14

I think you have lots of friends - Right here! While you’re solo in your hobby at home and no one close by, these forums can be a great help and inspiration to not just you, but everyone. You came here to talk about losing a friend, yet your ‘virtual’ friends on the board came to talk to you and share their experiences.

When I moved to another state, I felt like I lost my hobby friends. Started to build a layout, found a hobby shop that while not so close, I went there to see what was new or if I needed something. Eventually, I met others in the hobby. Now I have friends, some close, others an hour or more away.

In this modern day and age, many things can be done ‘virtual’ with your computer, like Skype, Zoom and more.

As another poster stated, the NMRA ( nmra.org ) can be a help to find fellow model railroaders or clubs in your area.

I’m sure many folks will reply to any type of question you have regarding your model railroading quest.

Hang in there, don’t give up. You’ve found friends here!

Neal

15

Charles, unfortunately my church had to cancel our Christmas train event, otherwise I would invite you to join us. Not far from Paoli!

16

Perhaps this would help with the fear (from Dune):

“I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me.
When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain.”

17

One thing I would advise is to not just look for model railroaders. Are there any railroad museums, or fan-trip railroad operations, etc. in your area? Do you belong to any railroad historical societies for the railroads in your area (CN, CP)? You might find some folks who are interested in trains but aren’t model railroaders, or are model railroaders but it’s secondary to their interest in real railroads.

18

To be honest I wasn’t going to comment, but a couple of things have interested me.

If a person is building a layout with no help then the person is a loner. Seeking help from either a club or on a Forum a loner the builder still is.

Building a club layout with other members then they become a team.

Wanting friends in model railroading is difficult as a loner. Often it is having to make the first move and those parties wanting the same thing.

Fear! Well fear is only man made. What is man made can be broken. Fear will not bite.

Instead of fearing something, change the word to apprehensive. Immediately a sense of relief descends and things become brighter. A problem is only a challenge to overcome.

Ask a question to club members or to Forum members - a friendly colleague is found.

Happy modeling.

David

19

So to get to first principles - just how DOES one make friends who share this hobby? We are too few in number for pure chance to work very much, although I do remember a mail carrier in my home town who told me he probably knew where every modeler in town lived because he saw who got MR and RMC!

As a boy it was easy because back in my youth nearly every boy had toy trains, even if they were not particularly interested. It was easy for those who were particularly interested to get to know each other.

As an adult? Well, my very best model railroad friend happened to be a carpenter contractor who was hired by my parents to fix their garage and he happened to see my model trains on the workbench in the basement (this was while I was a college student, so I was an adult but still spent summers at my folks house). So he initiated the friendship which has now lasted 45 years.

I got to know a few folks by striking up conversations at hobby shops but far more while railfanning trackside, where there are good reasons to chat with those who also have camera straps around their necks and listen to scanners. Not all railfans are modelers of course but I would say railfanning is how I got to know the greatest number of my model railroad friends, who of course are also now railfanning buddies. We talk model trains all the time but our actual times together are more likely to involve railfanning.

The third way is that our local NMRA Division is very active and over time you get to know more fellow members, perhaps there are layout tours, bus trips to train shows, giving or listening to clinics, that sort of thing. You get to know names and that leads to saying hello or sitting side by side at a clinic, that sort of thing. And with the NMRA Divisional activity often leads to getting to know others in the Region and going there for meets and clinics. Maybe these are not close intimate friends but people you

20

Just a few thoughts being a pastor and having been in a town as a lone wolf at one point. Pastors can vary widely as to how they have time. We never know how our day will go and how much time we will have. Every church is different too- large churches put more demands however there are often associates to help. The demands on time can also vary widely day by day. It is not like a regular job where you can plan on a 9-5, one phone call can rearrange everything. It may be that he can not schedule something with certainty.

Model railroading is a outlet to me. We do have a club where I live and I am a member- that is a great way to make friends. We have not been as active lately although we have reopened. The NMRA can help but looking at stats there are a lot more out there that are not in it that are. I lived in a little town for several years where I thought I was about the only one interested. Well lo and behold another guy put an announcement in the paper that he was looking to form a model railroad club. We met at the library and we actually got a group going fairly quickly. Unfortunately I was only there in town about another six months but it was the start of a modular railroad. In Chicago, although I was close to a club I never joined- I was dual vocational at the time both in the ministry and a job and never had the opportunity to go. I would check and see if there are any clubs in your area- if there are not see about an announcement in the paper and a paper in the closest hobby shop. (even if it is an hour away- that helped our club)