Railroad Jokes

Trains Magazine General Discussion
21

Cowboy turned Fireman for better wages one day.

At the end of the first day the Engineer said “Ok Fireman, let’s tie this train up for the day”

P A U S E

Engineer “Is there a problem Fireman?”

Fireman “I left my cow rope back at the ranch”

Pretty bad isnt it? Here is one more…

Taken from an old railroad song, I dont recall the full lyrics or the name anymore but here goes.

Conductor is stressed because the Passenger Express is WAY LATE today he horsewhips the engine crew into maxing out the speed to make up the time or they all will lose thier jobs.

Brave Fireman sees a child ahead on the track. Gets out his rope and climbs forward to the front of the engine. Ties one end of the rope to the train, loops the other end to a passing telegraph pole.

The resulting wreck killed 400 people, tore up the railroad tracks awful fierce and buried the brave engine crew.

But thank God they saved that little child.

Some of you asked for trucking jokes. I dont have very many clean ones suitable for these forums but can tell you a favorite trick I like to play.

As a trainer I would have the student dismount and walk to the back of the truck to write down the number on the trailer seal.

The student happily hops out and walks briskly towards the back with pen and paper in hand.

I would GENTLY release the service brake and allow the entire rig to drift backwards SLIGHTLY slower than the trainee watching that person the whole time in that right mirror.

It is very important that the brakes dont HISS or the rig “settle” onto it’s airride as it starts to drift backwards slower than the trainee’s walking pace.

Usually about 10 seconds of drifting backwards results in the trainee stopping dead in his tracks and loudly complain that the trailer is so damn long.

Some people need more time to make the 1+1 = 2 connection and that what makes it really amusing.<

22

Little old lady looking for the stairs to her platform stops a baggage attendant and asks for directions:

“Young man, which stairs take me to the broadway limited?”

“Go left and you’ll be right!”

“Young man, I don’t like your smart answer!”

“Ok, then go right and you’ll be left!”

  • a very old one from at least the 1930’s
23

OK, but dont make fun of me now, but here is my joke—

YARDMASTER “Take BNSF 4400 and use it to take the “H-HOUGAL9” train over the hill to Emporia.”

ENGINEER “Oh, how many horsepower does it have, remember I need 4400 horsepower to make it up the hill at Cassoday.”

YARDMASTER “How many horsepower!? Cant you read?.”

ENGINEER “Read what? The Locomotive manual?”

YARDMASTER “No, the engine number!”

ENGINEER “What, the engine number? Since when did they start putting the HP of the engine on the outside of the locomotive where the engine number used to be.”

YARDMASTER (Shocked)

ENGINEER “Does that mean BNSF 9647 has 9,647 horsepower!?”

YARDMASTER “Sure, that is why we only have one engine painted like that.”

ENGINEER (Thinking) And thats why they leave it in coal service.

YARDMASTER “Oh my goodness, just take the train out of here. And I will let the dispatcher know that I will do the talking for you son!”

YARDMASTER “DISP. Retire before I say Retire”

THE END (For now, he is headed to UP) Good thing for fiction stories…

24

Texan: “Our state is so big that you can get on a train, ride for a day and a night, and stilll be in Texas!”

Arkansan: “We used to have trains like that in Arkansas.” (another from Thos. W. Jackson)

25

Arkansas Trains are so slow they need to stop at every station to ensure arrival at the destination.

=)

When one goes to the local grocery store it’s not the shopping, but catching up on everyone’s gossip, latest news and other minutae.

26

that was good, dude. i laughed :stuck_out_tongue:

27 
`` 1)  What is the difference between a pretty girl and a counterfeit ``
``nickel in the hands of a streetcar passenger?``

``>       One is a fair maid and the other a made fare.``

`` 2) Nervous passenger (during a thunderstorm) - "Ain't it dangerous to ``
``be on a streetcar when its lighting so?"``

``>      Calm passenger - "Not at all, you see the motorman is a ``
``non-conductor."``

`` 3) "Why don't you get up and give your father that seat Bobby?" ``
``reprimanded the lady.  "Doesn't it pain you to see him reaching for the strap?"``
`` "Not on the streetcar",chuckled Bobby.  "But it pains me to see him ``
``      reaching for a strap at home."``

`` 4)  Mr. I. B. Trolleyite - "Why don't they collect fares from ``
``policemen on``
``the electrics?"``

``>       Mr. Ubet. I. Cantell - "Because you can't take a nickel from a ``
``copper!"``
28

It works better as…“lost #2 engine-looked on wing (or looked in engine compartment), found #2 engine”