Is there such a thing as a train related joke?
Absolutely not. We railroaders are the most humorless sons-of-guns you’d ever wish to run across.
Well there was this guy who went to the ticket agent and asked for a round trip ticket. The agent asked “to where” and the guy answered “to here of course”. But I won’t go into the one about two tickets to Pittsburg here.
So there must be a “why did the foamer cross the track” joke somewhere.
Here’s an oldie:
“Let me have sleeping accommodations on the train to Ottawa,” I said to the man at the window, who didn’t seem at all concerned if I took the trip or stayed at home.
“For a single passenger?” he finally said.
“No,” I replied. “I’m married, but I’m not taking anybody with me. A single berth will answer.”
“Upper or lower?” he asked.
“What is the difference?” I inquired.
“A difference of 50 cents,” came the answer. “Our prices to Ottawa are 1.50 and 2. [obviously this was about eighty or more years ago] You understand of course,” explained the agent, " the lower is higher than the upper. The higher price is for the lower berth. If you want a lower, you’ll have to go higher. We sell the upper lower than the lower. It didn’t use to be so, but we found everybody wanted the lower. In other words, the higher, the fewer."
“Why do they all prefer the lower?” I broke in.
“On account of its convenience,” he replied. “Most persons don’t like the upper, although it’s lower, on account of its being higher and when you occupy an upper you have to get up to go to bed and then get down when you get up. I would advise you to take the lower, although it’s higher than the upper, for the reason I’ve stated, that the upper is lower than the lower because it is higher. You can have the lower if you pay higher, but if you are willing to go higher, it will be lower.” (from A Treasury of Railroad Folklore)
We are not told the traveler’s decision, but he may have throughly confused. I hope he did not decide to go coach.
Johnny
The two tickets to pittsburg is a funny one. I forgot about until I read what you wrote. I think if you wrote it the right way you could get by with it.
Justind
Passenger: Why is the station so far from town?
Station Agent: Well, it would be a good idea for it to be near the trains.
Many of us who work for the company consider U.P. management a joke.
Then there was an Amtrak conductor who was getting chewed out for stopping his train at an unscheduled stop for one passenger thereby making the train later, tying up a siding and making the job for the dispatchers in Omaha tougher.
“But it was a pregnant woman who was barely able to get to the hospital in time for the delivery!” he tried to explain.
“Well, if she was that pregnant why did you let her on in the first place?”
“That’s because she wasn’t when she got on the train!”
okay heres a groaner
what’s the bubble gum that railroaders use
chattanooga chew chew
okay okay thanks for the tomatoes and eggs
stay safe
joe
Don’t worry, Joe. Boyd kind of asked for it anyway!
http://cs.trains.com/trccs/forums/t/7594.aspx?PageIndex=1
see pages 1-229
http://www.spikesys.com/Trains/rr_jokes.html
Many of us have seen the lists of problems reported by pilots and the mechanics’ replies. Here’s a railroad version from http://s145079212.onlinehome.us/rr/humor/trainjokes.htm
(P) Dynamic brakes don’t work at any speed.
(S) This locomotive not equipped with dynamic brake.(P) #2 traction motor seeping oil.
(S) #2 traction motor seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 motors lack normal seepage.(P) Something loose in cab.
(S) Something tightened in cab.(P) Evidence of leak in crankcase.
(S) Evidence removed.(P) Alternator volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.(P) Locomotive dances up and down when brake applied at 89MPH.
(S) Could not reproduce problem in enginehouse.(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.(P) Parking brake cause throttle lever to stick.
(S) That’s what its there for.(P) Engine missing.
(S) Engine found under hood after brief search.(P) Locomotive handles funny.
(S) Locomotive given verbal warning to be serious.(P) Radio hums.
(S) Reprogrammed radio with the words.
Engineer to mechanic
E. Locomotive leaking coolant.
M. Where is it leaking?
E. On the ground.
What is the differance between a turbo charger and a locomotive engineer?
Rodney
I’ve always liked
Old Lady to Red Cap: Which way to track 12?
Red Cap: Turn to the left and you’ll be right.
Old Lady: Don’t be impertinent, young man!!!
Red Cap: Okay then, turn to the right and you’ll be left!
Art
That book has a whole chapter, and then some. Well worth getting if you’re interested. My favorite goes something like this (my copy is in storage right now):
Traveler: “When is the next train to the Big City ?”
Station Agent: “Schedule says 5 minutes from now.”
T: “OK, give me a round trip ticket.”
Half an hour later:
T (exasperated): “Where is that train ?!? When is it going to get here ?!?”
SA: “It’s running late today. Be about another hour.”
T: " Why didn’t you tell me that when I bought my ticket ?"
SA: “Look, mister, I don’t get paid to sit here and knock the railroad !”
- Paul North.
Ok - I know I have heard this one before and going to hate myself for asking, but Rodney, what is the difference?
Mook
At least the turbo quits whining after the engine is shut down (lol) a brother engineer told me that one.
Rodney
Must have been thought up by a brother conductor…[:-,]