This is what is called a “Bob Buck joke” (and if you’ve ever been to his hobby shop Tucker’s Hobbies in Warren, MA www.tuckershobbies.com, you’ll know why…):
There was a woman who lived near the tracks, and her father was an engineer on that very same rail line. Every day, he’d pass by her house at the same time and whistle as he went by.
One day, it was raining heavily for hours, and it caused a large washout of the mainline close to the woman’s house just mere minutes before her father was due.
Immediately, the woman grabbed a clothespin and ran as fast as she could up the tracks towards her father’s train. As the train came into view, the woman held up her clothespin as high as she could. Her father, seeing the clothespin, instantly knew what to do and put 'er in the big hole. The train stopped just feet shy of tumbling into the mud, and both the woman and her father were given credit for saving a lot of lives with their quick thinking.
But why a clothespin, you ask?
Because everyone knows that a clothespin is a symbol of a wash out on the line!
When a man was asked why he had so many children, he said that he & his wife were awakened every night by the train that blew it’s wistle while passing close to thier house. I would ask my wife if she wanted to go back to sleep or what. Since she was hard of hearing she always said “what”.
I’ll steal a crack from the movies. Tracey Lord (Katharine Hepburn): “All this talk of social classes . . . between the upper class and the lower, give me the lower!”
McCaughley Connor (Jimmy Stewart): “Only if you can’t get a drawing room.”
once upon a time there was a convention of engineers. All kinds of engineers were going, mechanical engineers, civil engineers, electrical engineers, even train engineers. It just happened that three electrical engineers and three train engineers were going to go on the same train. The three electrical engineers bought three tickets and were surprised when the train engineers only bought one. So the electrical engineers watched very carefully. After they all boarded the train, the conductor was coming around punching tickets the three train engineers all disappeared into the rest room and when the conductor knocked and said “Ticket please,” one hand came out and presented the one ticket. The electrical engineers were most impressed by this and vowed that on the return trip they would take advantage of this new discovery. The convention was a great sucess, and for the trip home the three electrical engineers bought their one ticket, but were astounded when the train engineers bought none. They all boarded the train together and when the conductor was coming around punching tickets the the electrical engineers all piled into the rest room. It was then that one of the train engineers walked over, knocked on the door and said, “Ticket Please.”
I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. (Isaiah 6:1) And he made the table; (Exodus 35:10) twenty cubits was the length thereof, according to the breadth of the house; and ten cubits was the breadth thereof, (I Kings 6:3) being in the form (Philippians 2:6) of the island. (Isaiah 34:14) But Peter said, "Not so, Lord; for (Acts 10:14) every wise hearted man, (Exodus 36:2) working with his hands the thing which is good, (Ephesians 4:28) against the wall of the house he built." (I Kings 6:5) But God said unto him, (Luke 12:20) “I am the LORD, I change not.” (Malachi 3:6) The LORD hath made all things (Proverbs 16:4) on the table, (Luke 22:21) Unto the mountains, and to the hills, to the rivers, and to the valleys, (Ezekiel 36:6) and the towns thereof. (I Chronicles 7:28) And make straight paths for your (Hebrews 12:13) train. (Proverbs 22:6) Them of old time (Matthew 5:21) have made them crooked paths: whosoever goeth therein, (Isaiah 59:8) sudden destruction cometh upon them. (I Thessalonians 5:3) The crooked shall be made straight, and the rough ways shall be made smooth. (Luke 3:5) And God said, "Let there be (Genesis 1:6) horses (II Kings 2:11) of iron." (Deuteronomy 3:11) And he made in Jerusalem engines, invented by cunning men, (II Chronicles 26:15) of brass (Ex 27:2) very precious; (Mk 14:3) Mountains, with (Ezekiel 35:8) four wheels (Eze 10:9) and eight (Ex 36:9) and two (Gen 7:9) with the tender. (Song 2:13) They shall run like (Joel 2:7)
Two drunks were walking down a New York City street. One, being full of spirits & obviously disoriented, went down into a subway station entrance. A few minutes later, when he came back up to the street, the first drunk slurred to him, “Where have you been?”
The first drunk slurred back, “Man, I got lost in some guy’s basement… and you should see his train layout!”
A couple were driving along a country road when they came to a railroad crossing. The man, being a real railfan, said excitedly, “Great a crossing! I wonder when the next train is coming.”
His female companion who couldn’t care less, sighed & yawned then said, “Sorry honey. We just missed one. See its tracks??!?”
